This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
