I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize