Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
