I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
