I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
