Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
