laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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