At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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