I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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