we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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