i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
