3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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