Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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