I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
