listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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