the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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