Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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