Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize