There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
