My sheets look like a crime scene.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
