I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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