His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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