What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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