Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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