my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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