Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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