like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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