I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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