i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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