He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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