i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
