That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
