Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
