just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
