nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
