"it" just moved
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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