first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
