Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
