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omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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