I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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