And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
