That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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