He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
