Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
