The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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