Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
