sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just gargled with NyQuil
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
