maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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