so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
