Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Your penis caused this!
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