I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
