It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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