I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
