i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
