My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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