His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he thought i was a dude.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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