around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
