Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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