I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
