And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
