Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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