Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
