At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize