I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
