you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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