I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
