either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
