I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
