my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
