No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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