I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
