Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Your penis caused this!
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