If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
