I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
