yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize